This month's Mercury in Retrograde really fucked me up badly. Everything started crashing down and it's as if all the bad mojo of this year has been rammed up into a wall, represented by the last day of 2017. I've been saying that this has been a challenging year and, I'm afraid to admit, that…Read more year’s end
I just got back from my friend's lake house in Caliraya. Cat and her family have always been such great hosts and I was so glad that they invited me over just this weekend. I really, really needed a chance to recharge and just relax. I foolishly brought my laptop with me thinking I was…Read more it was irresponsible but I needed to get away
Lots of stuff are happening right now and I can't believe the person that I've become. The face that stares back at me when I look in the mirror seems familiar but I don't know who he is, really. I mean, it's not just the facial hair. It's not just the fact that I've gotten…Read more who is this person in my mirror?
It's All Saint's Day or something. Day of the Dead. Something like that. I never did take to the ceremony of it. I remember, because we were so practical as a family, we didn't join in on the whole go-to-the-cemetery-and-respect-the-dead sort of thing. It's a carnival out there at the cemetery this time of the…Read more The Day of the Dead
...and if I stay silent will they take that against me? Will that be received with closed fists, raised eyebrows, and a spiteful heart? It's okay, they say, to be sad. Grieve. You are allowed this moment of brokenness. But on their way home, when the rains come, they scramble for umbrellas or the shade…Read more silent
For Fin I am drawn to your innocence but it frightens me too. I tread carefully around you lest you might break me with your laughter. How could we ever be the same? Ten fingers, ten toes, one head, one heart but the sunlight caresses your skin; on mine, it is rough…Read more Fin (or Reading to Fin and other children)
I'm not myself these days. I wake up and I don't want to participate and I just want to go back to bed and wake up in 2015 -- as if the new year would be impetus enough to start all over again and the things that bother me would be gone or no longer…Read more out of sorts