Begin Again #2019

I got to spend the turn of the new year the way I wanted to, in a club dancing. I was dancing from 10:30am to 4:30am and got home a little after 5am with the sun coming out.

I didn’t take any photos during the New Year celebration so I’ll use my favorite photo from 2018, taken by Paolo Abad on his birthday at Oto last December

Okay. To be honest, I would have preferred the club to be filled but it was raining so hard and it’s Manila. The club I was in was the type that people would go to after midnight. That’s when people started really coming in. Before that, there was just me, another dude, and two small groups of people.

I introduced myself to the other dude who was alone and also smoking and I decided, let’s be friendly, my friends aren’t coming out until after midnight anyway and we started talking and next thing I knew, I had a buddy until my friends arrived. He joined us for a bit and we danced the night away.

I was dancing like I used to. Carefree and uninhibited. I was at XX/XX and they were playing the kind of dance music I really love. And while it got packed, it wasn’t too packed that I couldn’t dance.

I promised myself that I’ll be going out to dance at least once a month. I have forgotten that feeling of just being completely free on the dance floor.

Ben Khan’s ‘2000 angels’

I think I spent the last two years just trying to get out of Bacolod. I think it was such a massive emotional rollercoaster of having to feel like I wasn’t going to get back to my life. I feel like 2017 was just such a wild release — an indulgent spree to prove that I was still alive. Getting myself set up was expensive and I made some decisions that were costly, literally, and I think the following year grounded me into remembering that I had upkeep and that I was out on my own.

Which were the terms that I had asked for.

I couldn’t have done it without the help of my family (my mom had been unbelievably understanding and supportive) and a few key friends, who were there, no questions asked.

And now I feel like I’ve realigned and I’m facing an arduous next three years — with my teaching, my Masters degree studies, and the fact that I’m now a mainstream scriptwriter. I’ve got my work cut out for me but I have my outlets again.

I don’t think I’m survival mode anymore. It was tough but it was enjoyable and there were lessons there that I’m going to keep. I was reminded about what is important to me.

I can’t believe I didn’t take any photos during the new year celebration. I was dancing too much

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