I got to the lake house on Saturday morning and my friends and I just began to unravel. It was lovely. It was nice and sunny but there was also heavy gusts of wind so it was never scorching hot. Caliraya is a man-made lake and its huge and, I guess because of all the rain, the water level was really much higher than usual. It was calm, though, when it wasn’t windy.
We ate like kings, we drank, and we hung out with everyone’s kids (there were six children all in all — my friends are all parents now) and we just really hung out there.
It was so pleasant. It was wonderful.
By the evening, I lost signal. I was completely disconnected from the rest of the world. And I was, to my surprise, enjoying the disconnection. I didn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment than where I was and the outside world had nothing on me.
I forgot my laptop charger so the work that I had planned to do during the down time I didn’t get to do. But it didn’t bother me. It just hit me then how overwhelmed I was with everything and getting out of the city and getting away from everyone was exactly what I needed.
Strangely enough, I didn’t miss anyone. I didn’t feel like sending out messages to people. Some people I was seeing or hearing from everyday and I was so happy to have some time and space just for myself. I needed the space and the quiet.
And truth be told, it was hardly quiet when the kids were all around us. But all the needs that we had were just for the moment. They weren’t oppressive and they were only for that time. It wasn’t going to demand from me anymore than that inch of time.
I’ve been doing so much and beholden to so many people that this little escape, this cutoff from the world was just pure bliss.
Of course, I get back and find out that I got dates wrong and there are things that I need tomorrow that I now have to finish tonight. So many things that were left undone because I didn’t plan my trip properly and I thought I had time when I got back from my vacation.
But I don’t regret it. I don’t regret any of it. I wanted this. I learned something so integral that I had let fly under the radar: the past few weeks and months had not been a choice. I was completely enslaved by my need to earn and my need to create.
It took away from my humanity: the constant busy-ness and I have to start fixing the way I work and the way I let the work take over my schedule and my life. I’m constantly running away from it rather than running towards it.
It makes demands on me and I’m not going for it because I want to. I need to.
That has to change.
And I’m going to cut off every now and then. Put more of my social media on mute. It’s time to simplify.
This cannot be my life.