a dark cloud hangs above me

So I was chatting with someone just the other day, and we aren’t close yet, but we got into a conversation and it just rolled and it was lovely. I really could talk for hours. Even if its just on a messaging app. I’m not particular. There’s a kind of language on a messenger app — with emojis and gifs — that has its own appeal. Of course, the dynamics of a face-to-face conversation is better.

And while I was enjoying this conversation greatly, I ended up talking about how disappointed I was with the human race for how it has destroyed this planet. I hate how we have destroyed each other. I hate how the system is so deeply entrenched that, for me with such limited knowledge about the world, I just feel like we should slash everything and burn everything to the ground and let the world just heal itself without us.

IMG_6533 bw

photo by Shaira Luna

I’m an idealist. I’m a romantic. But I’ve also tried my best to be a realist. I managed somehow to be all those things. Hope for the best, fight for the best possible outcome, but not be blind to the truth of what’s around me.

But this world has a way of beating it out of us now that I’m beginning to understand why the younger generations are more prone to depression and nihilism.

This world is awful and we’ve passed a point of being able to save the planet and, honestly, shouldn’t we just cash in and say we’ve lost and just let the world destroy us the way we’ve destroyed the world?

What happened to me? I was always so good at keeping the negative energy away or putting it into my work and releasing it from inside me. I was good at not letting it fester inside. When did I lose that gift?

I’ve been muting people on Twitter and I really get bogged down by the darkness that people are so quick to let loose on their social media and those things never used to bother me.

This is what they were talking about, right? The multiple retrogrades hitting us during this powerful full moon lunar eclipse in Leo (or something of the like). It was in all the astrological sites. This was going to be a bad one. I’ve been warning people about it.

I didn’t think it was going to affect me. I’m usually good at protecting myself from this shit.

Now I’m just depressing as fuck.

 

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