they didn’t even ask, “how are you?”

I’ve been quite anti-social since January. It’s already half the year and I’ve seen my friends, like, four times. Like, really hang out with them. And there are many reasons for that. I was broke. I was busy working and trying to get my finances back to stable. The movie I’m writing was a lot more demanding than I thought it would be. School has taken over me completely (but I’m not complaining. I wanted it to happen).

It was the sacrifice I willingly chose because I needed to get my life in order. Friends are friends, right? They’ll understand.

Right?

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lost in the crowd (taken at a Team event sometime in 2015)

Slowly, things started to settle down and my schedule has been better than before. I started hanging out again, but this time with new friends that I’ve made in the course of six months from my new work as a teacher.

We have a regular Tuesday hangout session and it’s so cool. They are younger, actually, but a lot of fun and the friendship is still new, so it has that sheen of freshness.

And there’s no drama.

That was what was also getting to me with one group of friends that I was hanging out with. We all hit a slump at some point last year, and that’s okay, but it seems like they never got over it.

And the honeymoon is over and I started to see them for who they might really be, underneath it all. It was disappointing and so the sacrifice wasn’t that painful, really. I needed a break from the drama as well. Give all of us, including myself, a chance to grow up.

I saw those friends again a few weeks ago and hung out with them because I missed them. There were hugs and pleasantries and I asked them how they were. I had kept in touch through social media and asked for details and they told me.

We spent the rest of the night catching up but I noticed they were filling in me with the stories of their lives since I’ve been away. And it’s great. I prodded and asked more questions. I wanted to know.

But they never asked about me.

I noticed it. They never asked me about teaching or how my movie was going. There’d be lulls in the conversation and I decided to keep quiet and not saying anything and we’d sit there in silence for a bit.

They’d notice and they’d start talking about themselves again. And I’d listen and ask more questions and just listen.

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photo by Shaira Luna

Did I unfairly give them a test that maybe they couldn’t pass? Should I just have offered the details of my life? That’s not my way. It’s never been my way. Have they always been like this and I just noticed it right now? Or has my absence meant that my life was no longer of any interest to them?

Questions that I honestly don’t want to know the answer to. It was a sobering realization after so much time has passed. I’m not going to throw blame and I’m not taking it either. Friends drift apart. It’s natural. I’ve done it before and I’m actually great at it.

I was ghosting people before ghosting was even a term.

I’m a lot more independent than I give myself credit for. A new chapter begins as another closes. I’ve done this before and it’s sad because it’s quite cold of me but it doesn’t bother me one bit. When it’s over, it’s over. When I’m done, I’m done.

That’s my Aquarius rising coming through for me. As it always has before.

They never even asked, “How are you?”

 

5 thoughts on “they didn’t even ask, “how are you?”

    • Possible too. But we’ve been close friends for almost two years now. We were interested in each other and then all of a sudden… nothing.

      I get where you are coming from but we share everything to each other.

      I was shocked by the lack of give and take. I was expecting reciprocation, I guess?

      Maybe the absence has affected me more than it did them.

  1. You know what they say, we see things in the context of “us”. And we see things from our point of view. and sometimes we get preoccupied with our own stuff that we get so pumped up talking about ourselves (since someone else is willing enough to listen) that we tend to disregard other people’s stuff and what they’ve been up to.

    We don’t mean it, though. We still care and we still love our friends. But still, sorry about that.

    I hope you’ll get to talk to them about your life sometime.

    • I guess that’s what happens when you are the youngest in a family of very strong people.

      I grew up always listening to everyone. It was always one sibling grabbing me and saying, Hey Wanggo! You know what happened to me today?” And I’d sit and listen.

      If I tried to talk, it immediately became a sermon or an “If I were you, I would…” and then it would be about them.

      I was used to being the one who listens and just keep quiet. It’s why it’s so important for me when people ask me how I am. I have this fear that people ask that as a means for a jumping point for others to talk about themselves.

      I’m okay, though. I never run out of friends and it’s so easy for me to make new ones.

      • Things from home really affect who we become as an adult, don’t u think?

        But I do hope you meet someone who’s a great listener. It’s nice to keep those people around 🙂

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