broken record

I’m boring. I struggle to write here because I’ve just been like a broken record. Same old thing day-in and day-out. Still working on the script, still broke as fuck, still just getting by, not seeing my friends, still love teaching, still wishing that I could just teach and not have to do anything else.

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photo by Shaira Luna

Last night was a pleasant break, though. I was invited out by some of my old students and I said “yes.” My classes with them are done, grades past, and they won’t be taking any more classes that I could be teaching, so I didn’t think that it would be wrong.

It was my first official invite out in several months that I could actually say “yes” to and I had a good time.

On my way home, I bumped into two groups of friends, who were so surprised to see me out. I wonder if they feel betrayed. Like, “what is Wanggo doing out, he didn’t tell us he is going out again” sort of thing. But my former students’ invite came at exactly the right time. And I haven’t been invited out by my friends in a long while, but with good reason.

Every time they had invited me, I had said no. The timing was all wrong.

I really need to get back to some sense of normalcy because this whole staying-home-and-working is not doing it for me.

I’m just so tired of writing. Writing this same damned script that just somehow refuses to fix itself no matter how much I hack away into it.

I used to be spontaneous. I used to get recharged by this random nights of fun.

I’m not fun anymore.

I have nothing to write here because I haven’t been living. I need to get back to living. I just don’t want to be a broken record anymore.

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