No One Said It Would Be Easy (Sheryl Crow)

I’m barely getting by. There are days when I question the choices I’ve made in the past. I could’ve been more financially stable had I been more practical, more frugal, less frivolous. I believe in living. It’s now come to bite me in the ass.

No one said it would be easy

But no one said it would be this hard

No one said it would be easy

No one thought we would come this far

No One Said It Would Be Easy by Sheryl Crow

The work I’ve chosen to do is not a walk in the park. It’s not a tireless drone-like activity that I could do. It requires so much out of me to write a single article, much more a television script or a film script. I made a conscious decision after 2006 to try it out as a freelancer and while I made it work, it has made me incapable of stomaching a day-to-day job.

I like being free. I like having my own time. I like being able to recharge after a day-long surge of work.

I like teaching because I don’t have to do it every day. It’s three hours of intense work with the kids and then I’m free to cut off and regroup.

I wouldn’t mind teaching twelve units a week, four classes, but I’ll need a Masters Degree for that. And checking up on the fees and tuition of a Masters Degree in the University of the Philippines (which has the only Masters degree that I’m looking for in the city), it’s not going to be cheap. And it’s the cheapest university here.

If I keep working at it, keeping fighting and struggling and just do the time, I might be able to start on the second semester of this year. I want to get started soon so that I can secure my position at Benilde, where I’m teaching now, and because I want to do it before I’m forty. Get six units in, that’s all I can afford money-wise and time-wise. Turn the two year course into a three year thing. I don’t mind taking it slow and finishing late. What’s important is that I’m taking it and that I finish.

Once I secure that Masters Degree, I can gain some level of stability with my teaching. I’ll be promoted to a level that can be sustainable for me with my simple lifestyle.

I just wished I was more practical and smarter and had more forethought when I was younger. I have so much ideas with which to write now because of the life I’ve lead but none of the means (nor the skill) to write them effectively now that I’m older.

I’m crying over spilt milk, really. Just doing my whining, but I’m going to pull up my shirtsleeves and fix my life. I owe it to my parents who gave me multiple chances and saved me from impossible situations that I put my self in.

I owe to them and to all the people who have helped me along the way, who have kept me alive, to do good with all my fucking potential.

I owe it to myself to be happy. To fix my life and to get better. I have to get better.

I wonder who he is picturing

When he looks at me, when he looks at me and smiles

— No One Said It Would Be Easy by Sheryl Crow

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s