I used to read Tarot cards when I was younger. And I have to say, I was pretty good at it back then. A lot of the people I read for said that I was able to illuminate the dark corners of their issues at hand. I somehow broke through and opened up new avenues of thinking that allowed them a clearer picture of what they were going through. I could never really predict anything but I was very good at showing what forces were at work, usually internal and subconscious, which helped the people I would read.
When I became an ‘urbanite’ and started going out and clubbing and being very involved in the material world and the trappings of the mundane, I sort of lost that gift. My third eye closed and I could no longer feel spirits or hauntings. I was more involved (and invested) in the material, in the people that were in front of me. My empathy grew stronger but connection to supernatural forces faded away.
I always thought it was a good thing.
I still believed in it but I was happy to not have to be the conduit or the vessel. I would go and have tarot readings and soul card readings. I’d take alternative healing modalities like Theta healing and Millennium cards. I still believe but I don’t practice.
Then this year happened and I find myself surrounded by friends who are into it and heavily into astrology and it seems that the world has opened up to this way of thinking again but without the new age implications of the early part of this millennium. I thought of bringing back my Tarot cards from Bacolod and practice again. I wonder if it’s a gift you lose or if it’s a gift that just needs to be re-activated.
I’ve never been really good at reading for myself. The cards would be very casual and even offensive when I read myself. It would be cordial when I’d read for others but not for me. I don’t know if that has anything to do with my own self-esteem issues. Since I’m insecure and dealing with a lot of self-hate, if that reflects in the cards.
I don’t hate myself as much as I used to. I think I’ve gotten to be kinder to myself now than I used to be. Not much, I still need a lot of work, but I’m definitely better and more objective than before. Maybe it’ll be different now.
And even if it’s not, I have friends who can read for me. I can just read others.