rollercoasters

Last Sunday, I went to Enchanted Kingdom with two of my brothers and my cousins and their kids. We were pretty much a huge group and of two generations — one really young and one middle aged. I wasn’t planning on going because I have so much work but my brother insisted and he told me my godson, Liam, wanted me there. So I had to go.

I’m glad I did.

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Last group shot before we went home. By this time, those of us who brought extra clothes (or bought) had changed and we were all exhausted after six hours at the theme park

I had another reason to want to go to Enchanted Kingdom. I wanted to get on the rides and really just let go. It has become very apparent to me, lately that I don’t know how to really let go. I’m always taking things to seriously, especially myself, and it’s horrible because that’s something I thought I didn’t do. It’s something I always tell people. It’s, like, a mantra of mine.

I have always thought that I didn’t take myself too seriously. I always thought that I would be goofy and talk about myself in a self-deprecating manner because I didn’t take myself too seriously. I realized, just recently, that I did those things because I had such a low self-esteem. It was a way to handle or deal with the smallness of how I saw myself. I played the fool and put myself down because it’s what I really think of myself.

So going on the rides, getting on a rollercoaster and feeling that rush of adrenaline allowed me to just let go of any preconceived notions of myself. I was not in control. I strapped myself on the ride, put on my seatbelt, and gave in to the motion that was there. I let myself be flung around and I screamed my ass off with the hopes that I can throw away all this tension and self-importance.

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the Rollerskater is the smaller rollercoaster but we have no photo of the Space Shuttle, which I went on and would’ve gone twice if someone came with me

That’s another reason why I wanted to go to Enchanted Kingdom with my family. I wanted that rush and to submit to something else outside of myself. I wanted to be free of the shackles of myself; to really be silly and to really not care about how I looked or how I was perceived.

I am my own worst enemy. That has got to change. I’m actually thinking of going to therapy. This self-esteem problem needs to be fixed.

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