I really don’t want to talk about what I’m going through so please don’t mind me that I’m going to be vague about certain things. I’m sure you’ll pretty much get it after this post, or you probably might have figured it out after yesterday’s very cryptic entry — but not so cryptic. I don’t know. I’m just flailing right now and I’m just randomly forcing myself to blog because if I don’t I might end up drowning.

So, because of this thing that I don’t want to talk about, my reception towards the four released tracks of Lorde’s upcoming album Melodrama have begun to even ingrain itself deeper into my psyche. I loved each song tremendously when they each came out. From the dramatic Green Light to the raw and honest Liability to the rather head-on and confrontational Sober and the sobering and insightful bop that is Perfect Places. I love each song in a way that only one who can imagine these moments can enjoy it. I loved the melody, the musicality of the songs, and how fun it is to sing along.

But now that I am in it. This thing I don’t want to talk about. Now that I’m drowning in it, I — all of a sudden —  understand exactly why each song is written that way. Every turn of phrase, every beat, every breath, every chord from that piano — I get it. I understand. I know why it is that way.

And if you know what Melodrama is about, as an album, then you know what I’ve been going through. You know.

And I forgot how painful it was. Not that I really knew it before. This time was probably the closest I’ve ever been to the real thing. And now it’s over.

I really cannot wait for the album to come out.

I’m 19 and I’m on fire
But when we’re dancing I’m alright
It’s just another graceless night

Perfect Places by Lorde

They say, “You’re a little much for me, you’re a liability
You’re a little much for me”
So they pull back, make other plans
I understand, I’m a liability

— Liability by Lorde


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