lost in transition

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waiting… I’m ready to fly but not until I get the signal to jump (taken from the set of No Filter last 2015)

Floating between now and then. I’m waiting for news that will determine the next two years of my life. Until I hear about it, I can’t make any real concrete plans. I am picking up any work I can get. Short term projects are good because they’ll end quickly. But I can’t take anything that’s long term because I don’t know what’s going to happen to me through this year.

I applied for a scholarship to study abroad. I made it through the first and second phase. I think I did pretty well on the interview. I honestly thought I screwed it up because I was  a rambling idiot and when I apologized and told them I was nervous, they laughed and said I was “doing great.” When the interview ended and I switched off my Skype, there was this rush right down to my stomach and I felt good. I felt like I nailed it.

But they are only taking six people in my track, in the course I applied for and so I’m feeling quite lost. I feel like I got in but logic and reason tells me that I don’t have much of a chance. And because of those conflicting thoughts, I can’t seem to act until I hear from them if I got the scholarship or not.

So I’m just taking whatever work I can get my hands on now and hoping for the best.

I’m lost in transition. I’m okay either way because I’ve made plans for either outcome. And I’m actually happy and excited with both. This is still a win-win situation for me.

It’s just the waiting is killer. It’s the waiting that’s killing me.

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