I don’t like the cold and it has been very cold the past few days. It hasn’t been good for my mood and I’ve been struggling to get work done. Most of the time, I’m lying around in bed trying to keep warm, covered in a comforter, and wishing it were warmer.
I’m struggling with cigarette withdrawals as well. I gave it up a week ago. I would cheat here and there. I’d be panicking and stressing out to the point that I’d walk to the nearest street corner store so I can buy 1 stick of a cigarette. It’s weak-willed but it stops me from really losing my mind and I suppose 1 stick every four or five days is not bad considering how much I used to smoke a day.
Of course, I’m the midst and swirl of so much activity right now. So much is happening that I’m trying to catch up and getting work done but I always have some excuse or distraction coming in. The house is busy with activity. There’s a cat palace being built right outside my window and the hammering is driving me insane. The busy-ness of the world here at home plus the cold plus the withdrawals plus the excitement and thrill of the projects that are in the works.
My head is not in the game. I’m not feeling centered and I don’t like it.
But I’m not unhappy. I just wished I were more centered. It’s cold and I don’t do well in cold weather.
I want to break out of this lethargy and this stasis and this slowness. I miss Manila. I want that speed and that energy again. I miss feeling alive.