back in Bacolod

I’ve been back for about two days now and I’m starting to settle again. My Manila trip was full of energy and potential and promise. Everything is different for me now. People are responding to me differently. Exciting opportunities are opening themselves up to me. My relationships with my friends have gotten deeper. I’ve gotten to know more people and I have a new group of friends that I hold close to my heart and I can see something beautiful growing from this.

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Cez, Kate, Michael, Leo, and I on my last night in Manila

Even my heart was jolted awake and then it was broken, as well, within a week’s time. I’m not sad for what had happened. I’m happy this moment still found its way towards me. It saved me from being bitter and jaded and cynical. It reminded me that I am still beautiful in my own way. That love is still out there waiting for me, somehow, and that I do not have to close my doors if someone else comes around.

Yes, it was a very enriching visit and a significant one. There’s still so much I can do for the world. There’s so much I can still do for the community. There’s still so much I can do for myself.

And after everything I’ve been through, I’m stronger and wiser than I’ve ever been.

I danced again inside a mass of other bodies in the throes of the music. I was surrounded by friends — good people who I care about and who care about me — and I felt like I was alive and living again.

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With the cast of Hanging Out at Nectar — Jox Gonzales, Eboy Fernandez, Albert Saspa, and Sheena Ramos (minus JP Mercado and Paulito del Mundo)

I’m singing out loud again. I’m enjoying food again. I’m not afraid of my own shadow again. My writing is interesting again. It’s charged. It sounds more like me.

I learned so much about myself and I’ve been able to trace how I’ve changed in the past two years and I’ve realigned my thoughts and feelings with my body, my needs, and to what I believe is my higher purpose.

Yes, let’s put that on the table, as well. I went to a really good tarot card reader and found clarity. I feel secure in my choices and the path which has opened up before me.

I’m really most alive in the city, where I can dance in step to the pulse and beat of the urban heartbeat. I know what to do and what to do with myself when I’m there.

But I’m back here and it took me two days to get settled. But I’ve got plans and I’ve got dreams. There’s a smile on my face that I can’t hide. I’m throbbing with potential energy.

I’m ready.

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