I’ve always loved to dance. Scratch that. I love dancing. I love letting my body go and just letting the music move me. It’s one of the few times I can really just let go and submit to something bigger than me. I can see how, in my life, that’s not an easy thing for me to do. But when the bass line starts to pump and beat is sick, when I’m in the middle of a dance floor, something switches off in my head and I’m just lost in the moment.
And I really love that feeling.
I get that way when I’m in the middle of writing something and there’s this moment that just clicks inside of me and I know that I got it and the writing stops becoming scientific and it becomes pure instinct. All my training and all the things I learned just flows instinctively and the words just flow. But writing doesn’t always feel that way. It gets that way and when it does, that’s when I know in my heart that I have completely connected to the work.
I’m like that in the beach as well. Once I get into the water, I just relax and float and I can stay that way for hours, being pushed back and forth by the tide. That’s a totally different kind of bliss but it’s essentially the same. I’m submitting myself to something much larger than me.
So my friends Paolo and Victor, both from Team magazine, took me to Nectar, the newest gay club in Manila, and we just danced until a little past midnight. We finished dinner early and we went to Nectar and it wasn’t even opened yet but we just hung out at the entrance until it opened and we were the first people there and we danced. The club was empty, there was so much space, and we could just let everything out.
Slowly, more people started to arrive and the music got louder and we became this sea of writhing bodies and I was one of them and it felt good to just feel so free. I hadn’t danced like that in a really long time. I hadn’t danced like that in all of 2016. It was so liberating.
I woke up today and my body didn’t ache like I thought it would. I’m not in the best of physical shape so I was expecting the worst — dancing as much as I did and without stretching or any sort of preparation. I woke up with this light feeling inside.
I got to dance again after such a long time. Everything is going to be okay.