Pretty Good Year (Tori Amos)

So I’m predictable. So what?

I was one of the people who had said that 2016 was “challenging” and “difficult.” I had said that many times on this blog even. And I meant it.

Just three days ago, on the evening of the 29th, I submitted a script — my last deadline for 2016 — and the moment I sent it online, my nose just began to clog up and my head began to hurt and I could feel the coming of a flu or a fever.

So I spent the rest of the 30th just in bed and slept the whole day. I know exactly what to do when I catch myself coming down with a flu or a fever. I stay in bed the whole day, put on warm clothes, wrap up, and try to sweat it out.

I woke up on the 31st drenched in perspiration but the flu was on its way out and all I have to deal with now is a runny nose. But it also meant that on December 31, right before the turn of the year, I was in bed early, and getting ready to sleep.

I was going through IG stories, Twitter, and Facebook and seeing all these people enjoying New Year’s Eve, and thought to myself — I love this time of the year. New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday ever. I love endings and beginnings. I should be celebrating but I’m taking it easy. But I love it, because 2016 may have been challenging and difficult but we survived it. We made it through another year. And that’s reason enough to celebrate.

I have to bring it back to being HIV positive. Much apologies. I always say that I’m more than my HIV and that my status doesn’t define me but more often than not, everything I do is some sort of reaction to it. I’m such a hypocrite. But, really, I didn’t think I’d make it to 2009. I thought, when I was diagnosed with HIV and then meningitis a week later, I was not going to make it for New Year’s Eve 2008/2009. But I made it. And it’s now 2017 and I’m still here.

I’ve made peace with the world in 2008, 2010, and with much resistance and anger, I made peace with the world back in late 2015 when I almost died again. Life and living is so precious for me because mine had almost ended. Thrice, now, by this time. I want spend every day of my life living loud and large because all of this is bonus. No more living in fear. No more wasting of time.

So 2016 was tough but I made it through and — you know what? — despite being in bed the first quarter of it, I still managed to vote, to be heard, to launch a book I was an editor-at-large of, and I got to move one of my projects forward, got another one and working on it currently, and a web series I help put together premiered and started off really strong.

Not bad for a guy who is recovering from kidney failure, right?

I have no plans of living recklessly. YOLO is such a dumb concept. But I am not going to live small or in fear or live insulated and detached. What’s the point of having fought to stay alive, if that’s all I was going to do.

Hold on to nothing as fast as you can, well, still a pretty good year… Pretty good…

— Pretty Good Year by Tori Amos

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