Hopefully, tomorrow

There’s that popular idea that suggests you fight fire with fire. In a moment of wise-assed-ness, I once tweeted, Fight fire with fire? I’d rather fight fire with water. I thought I was so smart. Being non-confrontational as a person, I never indulged my anger. I always tried to stay calm and collected. I took a step back from conflict and tried a softer approach to things. I tried to hold on to my reason and my empathy. I always tried to find out why the opposition stood in their corner and tried to find a peaceful solution. I would let out my rage in safe spaces, most of the time when I was alone.

The past few days, as the news cycle keeps pouring out article after article about how bad things are and the state of politics in my country, in the US, and in other parts of the world, I have been unable to rise above it and be reasonable.

I’m getting angrier and angrier. And just today, after the latest news update on how Vice-President Leni Robredo quit Duterte’s cabinet because of how she has been edged out of doing good work as the Housing Secretary, I just really don’t want to be the better man.

Read: VP Leni Robredo resigns as Housing Secretary (CNN Philippines)

In barely five months, we have solid accomplishments in HUDCC. This, despite the obstacles thrown our way, which are:

One, the budget for all key shelter agencies in 2017 has been slashed by more than P19 billion. Two, all our key shelter agency appointment recommendations have not been acted on. Three, the Executive Order designed to make HUDCC effective was not signed.

Then, we received a text message last Saturday from Cabinet Secretary Jun Evasco, Jr., relaying the President’s instruction through Bong Go for me “to desist from attending all Cabinet meetings starting this Monday, December 5.”

This is the last straw, because it makes it impossible for me to perform my duties. Hence, I am tendering my resignation from the Cabinet on Monday, December 5, 2016. With this resignation, you can expect that I will continue to support the positive initiatives of this administration and oppose those that are inimical to the people’s interest.

— Vice President Leni Robredo (from her official site)

Read the full statement here.

I am so angry at how blatant all the politicking is by this new administration. I hate how obvious it is that Duterte is working with the Marcos family in taking over this country. What I hate most, though, is how so many people — the majority of this country, or so it seems — are either for all of this, completely blind to what’s going on, or don’t care at all.

Definitely there are a lot of people making noise and sharing their anger on social media. But a lot of these people are my friends, as they would be for we would have similar values and ways of thinking. It seems like a lot but I don’t know if that’s just the echo chamber of social media. They approximate 17,000 people came to the anti-Marcos rally last November 30. Why wasn’t it more? November 30 was a holiday. There were no classes or work. More people could have showed up. We had way more people at the White Rally during the whole pork barrel brouhaha in 2013.

It really makes me think about my values and why I’m holding on so tightly in being a good person. I don’t see the reason for it right now. At this moment, I don’t know why I have to try and be good while Trump is the president-elect of America and he’s filling up cabinets posts of his administration with white supremacists/nationalists and people who are anti-LGBTQ. At this moment, I don’t know why I have to try and be good when Duterte is running the country like his own little kingdom and not like a country and many of his supporters do not question him and his actions and many of his supporters are so violent online in their defense of him.

What’s the use of holding on to logic and reason and good manners when everything is so blatantly horrible and the majority are so horribly vulgar and crass? What use is all of this information and education that I’ve been working so hard to accumulate over the years when the world today just doesn’t seem to have any respect for it?

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photo by Cecile Golez

Today, I’m really feeling it. It’s dark and it’s scary and words fail me and I really have nothing to say that can lift up my spirits, much less any body else’s. Today, I’m tired of being good. Today, I’m tired of being polite. Today, I’m tired of holding on to what is good and proper and becoming of a gentleman.

Today, anarchy sounds like fun. Today, I wouldn’t mind being crass or vulgar or confrontative. Today, I wouldn’t mind being insensitive.

Hopefully, I’ll get to sleep and tomorrow I’ll find renewed strength and vigor. Hopefully, tomorrow will find me stronger, sturdier, tougher, and ready to take on challenges again.

Hopefully, tomorrow.

Hopefully.

Tomorrow.

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