the end of the road

My stay here in coming to an end. I told my parents I’d only be here for a month. I was contemplating over-staying and delaying my return home, but I sealed the deal when I had a new order of my meds sent to Bacolod instead of my address here. So I gave myself a finite deadline to stay here in Manila.

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Hanging out with the No Filter peeps, opting for a house party than going out so we can really just talk (photo by Jasmine Curtis-Smith)

I said I was going to stay for a month, so I want to be good on my word. I think I’ve gathered enough networks and contacts to work on from Bacolod so that I have work and I feel like I’ve reinforced my ties here and I’ve re-energized my spirit. I feel like a whole person again just from this visit.

There are still so many people I want to see but I’ve tried to make myself available and I’ve asked for schedules and dates to meet up and hang out and catch up. I’ve been posting often in my social media and I’ve been up and about so it’s not as if I’m in hiding.

There were some people who I’ve been hoping to spend some time with but they’re too busy. Hanging out or catching up with me is probably not a priority and I’m okay with that. That’s how the cookie crumbles. Just because you feel strongly for them doesn’t mean they have to feel that strongly about you.

But I’m not going to keep trying anymore. I’m not going to be freeing up slots just in case they can make it. I feel like my whole life has been spent chasing after people — be it work-related, friendships, romantic interests, career-goals, etcetera — but I don’t want to do that anymore. I’ll just learn to be happy with what I’ve got because what I’ve got is plenty.

Some people make the effort and so even if I’ve already seen them once on this trip, I’ll see them again because at least they opened up their schedule for me.

I never thought that it should be so hard to go and see someone. No matter how much I hate going to  Alabang, I was able to make it twice so I could see Cat and Carlo and Tals because I wanted to see them and they always gave me their dates and their schedules on when I could go. Same with Cez. Same with the No Filter family. It shouldn’t have to be so hard to meet up with friends.

There are a couple of people who I’ve gone out of my way to try and schedule something but they haven’t given me a date.

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With Cat, Tals, and Jef at Alabang on Tals’ last day in Manila (photo taken from Tals’ FB feed)

It’s like what I always used to say, “Go where you are wanted.”

I will stop bending over backwards now. My back is killing me. It’s not as if this trip hadn’t been planned or announced months ago.

So no more regrets. The road here in Manila for this year is about almost over. I probably won’t be able to come back until next year. But no regrets. This is a good trip. Enjoying every bit of it while I’m here. Happy to know that work just keeps coming in while I’m in this city. It’s nice to know that if I do manage to get back, I’ll be on my feet.

And I’ll have friends happy and ready to spend time with me.

If you open your eyes, you will know who your friends really are.

5 thoughts on “the end of the road

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