things falling into place

So I was chatting with one of my friends in New York because it was his birthday today. Well, it’s his birthday today if he were here in the Philippines but it isn’t yet his birthday there in New York; so it was quite a funny discussion about time zones. We were talking about a lot of stuff. We usually chat a lot, at least once a week or so, and we chatted a lot while I was recovering early this year.

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At the high-dive on the set of No Filter 2.0 and that’s the feeling: I’m up on high and I’m so sure that when I make my leap of faith, my wings will spread out, catch wind, and lift me up to where I’m raring to go

We sort of stopped chatting for a bit. He got busy and I was getting better but as with friends that you have come to trust and be comfortable with, you don’t really have to communicate often to keep the friendship. Like, out of the blue, the day before his birthday, he sends me a message and I replied and it was like any other chat session we always have.

So our conversation moves past the “how are you’s” and “what have you been up to’s” and we just start bouncing off from subject to subject and then he brings up a scientific thing, I think it probably had something to do with my kidneys, I’ll have to check the message thread again, and we ended up talking about existential stuff related to this scientific breakthrough he mentioned.

We were opposite ends of the discussion. He was for it and I was against it and then it just happened. BOOM. I had an idea about a movie. A science fiction film. Very simple, really, but quite striking and quite deep, if I may say so myself.

That’s why I am being vague on purpose about what it is exactly we were talking about because I want to keep this idea for myself for a moment. I’m sure there are tons of great writers out there who can get this and make something wonderful out of it, better than me, and I want this story. I want to write this movie.

And I tell him about it and he’s, like, “Wait! That’s amazing. Did you just think of that right now? Like just now?” And I was, like, “Yeah, all of that just came up while we were discussing that thing.”

He wanted to do it. We’ve been aiming to work together for the longest time now and all of a sudden, we have the project that we both like, that came organically from a conversation we had, and he just recently found a way to get this pitch to producers.

I’m happy and flustered and perplexed. Like, is this really happening? We’ve been thinking about making movies together for so long now and now there’s an opportunity. I know I can make this story into a solid script for a low-budget film but what I plan to do with the story and what I want to tackle, if I write it well, it will be one of those amazing low budget genre films that get recognized and go mainstream.

I can just feel it. I am super stoked. Because I know I can put my poetics into the film and use everything I learned from writing Sonata into this because that’s more within the cinematic territory I plan to broach here than when I worked on T’yanak, which has a different narrative structure altogether.

I’m super excited because this just happened, like, literally, 20 minutes ago. The idea is still so strong in my head and I know I have the capacity to write this story and really make it fly. I can make this script sing.

I can do this. Everything that I’ve been doing here, since I got to Manila, has been gearing me up and preparing me to not be afraid of my own voice and my own ability and to write my own ideas and nobody else’s. Yes, I am currently working with directors and I’m writing a story they want me to write but I’m in there, making decisions and influencing and moving the story and the narrative and its dramatical frame along with them.

I’m feeling it. Like my own voice is coming out now and I feel more inclined to make demands about my creative points-of-view. I think I’m getting more and more prepared, emotionally, to become a director.

Things are falling into place and I don’t even believe in that really but I know the feeling. I’m feeling it right now.

And it feels right.

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