Since I got back from Manila, I’ve been joyful. I’ve been light-hearted and caring and sensitive. I’ve been helpful here at home and I’ve been able to manage to pierce through what people are saying and get straight into what they mean, which means I know exactly how to respond.
That’s what I feel anyway. I feel like I’m back and communicating properly again. My nurturing spirit is back and the insecurity that pervaded through me and out of me is no longer present. Again, it’s what I feel anyway.
So much so that, the other day over lunch, my Dad told me, “I like where your head is on right now.” And then he remembered: “Yes, Manila did you a lot of good.”
Yes, my Manila trip did a lot of good for me. That visit showed me that I wasn’t giving up on anything; that all the things I thought was going to forget me or leave me behind was still going to be there waiting for me. Work was still coming, my friends and family were happy to see me and see me feeling and looking better and were eagerly waiting for my more permanent return. The experience gave me permission to take as much time as I need in Bacolod to get better and stronger and that when I return, whenever that would be, they’d still be there.
Everything was still in place, moving forward, progressing, but there would always be a place for me there.
Now, Bacolod doesn’t seem like a prison. It’s not. It’s a place for me to rest and get better. I’m not in exile. It has sunk in that I’m here to recuperate and get better. I needed that. Knowing it in my heart was more important than knowing it in my head.
I’ve been working again. I’m still not as fast as I used to be but I’m getting things done. Building a savings account that I can use to re-start my life when I get back to Manila. I’m still slower than before but I’m getting things done.
I’m excited again. I’m working again. I’m healing. I’m getting better and stronger.
That Manila trip did it. I like where my head is at right now.