So I read this article today: Mercury in Retrograde in Taurus: if you thought it was over think again by Kate Rose on the Elephant Journal. And if you’re an Astrology nut, like I am, it might make sense over what’s been going on recently.
The retrograde is set to start on the 28th of April but it’s effects will be felt as early as the 14th. And according to the article:
Each retrograde period tends to focus on one particular aspect of our lives, and for the next five weeks the area of our hearts and relationships will be returning for review.
And I’ve been wondering what the whole deal with was with my inability to accept my situation here in Bacolod and my failing kidneys. Just when I thought I was getting through and I started to make plans for the time that I’ll be here, I get these waves of regret and of going back to the past and holding on.
And then I read this article and I start to see some of the parallelisms.
Situations we thought we’d said goodbye to are suddenly sitting right on our doorstep knocking again. The thing with retrogrades, they only bring up the aspects of our lives that we need to take a second look at.
No matter how good our intentions are, we often make decisions that aren’t in our best interest.
I’m not in love with anyone and while I have been thinking of some old crushes as of late, I know it’s nothing serious and it’s not what is holding me back. No, I know where I am at when it comes to the matters of the heart. This is something less contrived as a romantic problem. No, it’s not that simple.
I never make it simple, do I?
This is about Manila. This is about my old life. This is about me. This is me problematising how I see myself and puts cracks in how I love myself. I feel removed from the very things that bring me much joy and I know that I am responsible for what had happened to me.
And going home to Manila to vote and seeing all my friends again and being back home means I’m going to have to face all the emotional feedback that comes from such an experience. It probably means much to everybody else but I’m quite sensitive and I don’t see things as just mere moments but I look at everything as symbolism, story themes, and plot lines. Story and structure are my first ways of seeing everything and this whole trip has become much clearer to me. More than closure and being able to properly say goodbye to people, this is really a test of how well I can forgive myself for what I’ve done and to find the strength to continue to love myself, which was what helped me get stronger and to really heal.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.