dreams

I woke up today from a very strange dream. There were many strange things about it, strange events coming one after another in an illogical way, like how dreams are, but the one that stayed with me when I woke up was taking scuba lessons from a Frenchman (with a very horrible French accent) and I was with a good friend, the ex of another one of best friends, and he was taking the scuba lesson with me.

And then, at the shower room, he made a pass at me.

It’s so weird. I woke up feeling weird. Not that my friend is unattractive. He’s very attractive and we’re good friends; but I never saw him that way. He’s the ex of one of my best friends and so it just never entered my mind to see him in that way. So when he made a pass at me, like a real sexual pass and looked at me and laughed at how I was reacting to it, it felt so off and strange and I felt that there was something wrong with me because it seemed so clear to him that there was nothing wrong about it.

They say that dreams are a way for our subconscious to tell us things. These are messages we are trying to process but they are coded. We don’t talk to ourselves directly, like maybe the heart doesn’t speak in an ordered language, and instead speaks in the language of symbolisms.

And this world, our current world today, has distanced us from the world of imagery and metaphor that we don’t always understand the heart.

There was a lot more in my dream, of course, strange occurrences that don’t make sense and it didn’t stick with me when I woke up. That one did, though. That part in the dream and the scuba lesson  with the Frenchman with a very, very fake French accent.

I know I’m still struggling with things while I’m here. I know my creativity has been stemmed for quite awhile now.

I was hoping that maybe the snippets of my dreams that I do remember would help me understand where I am and how to proceed but, as of now, I’m incapable of decoding the messages I’m sending to myself. I have to figure this out on my own.

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