inside-outside

The older I get, the more I find that the concept of what’s inside is more important than what’s outside. It’s something that I’ve always sort of believed in. Sure, when I was younger I would really lose my shit over a really cute guy. But if that person revealed his true self to me and it was not good, somehow he’d turn ugly. The features that would attract me would turn me off.

I noticed that pretty early on growing up. I would fall in love with guys that were considered “normal looking” or not conventionally good-looking because I thought they were good people, or at the very least, interesting and complex.

As I got older, the less and less I would get affected by one’s outer appearance. Sure, someone would point out some handsome guy and my first reaction would be, “Sure, he’s good-looking, but what does he believe in? What can he talk about? What drives him as a person?” It has made falling in love very difficult because now that it is socially acceptable to really take care of how you look, to the most minute details, everyone is always looking their best.

Because of this, I’ve always been very lax about how I appear in public. I’ve always been more about who I was in the inside and since I have an extroverted personality, it won’t take me long to change people’s perceptions of me despite the fact that I don’t take too much care or attention to how I’m dressed or how I appear. I’ve come to my own personal aesthetics, over time, but it’s not main priority or concern.

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At Slashers here in Bacolod, getting my new do

But I do have these moments when I’m feeling really down that I bring myself to a salon to have my hair styled and to get some pampering done. I have had many moments when I’m feeling really down and out of sorts that I go out and do some sort of make-over and try to improve on my outward appearance. I’ll even buy new clothes, because there is also that concept of working outside-in.

Have you heard of that? When you find that you can’t resolve some sort of difficulty or challenge from the inside so all you project outside is the struggle, that sometimes you can work in reverse? When you work on the outside (like your appearance) and you feel good about how you look, it changes your perspective and that gives you the push to face the challenges happening within?

As I’m feeling stronger, getting better, I’m taking more responsibility, getting more work and it’s interesting. It’s exciting but I can feel the pressure coming hard and while my problems are most physical in nature, it is slowing me down in terms of my thought processes. I can’t help but lose focus as I think about my current physical state. Not the best sort of distraction for someone who needs to create stories.

So my Dad was heading out to the barber shop and I decided to come along. I wanted a shave and a haircut. I needed to simplify and I needed to clean up my appearance so that I could feel a little loose, easy, and breezy. Less hair to manage. Feeling good about myself so I can look at my challenges with a different perspective.

Change the outlook, change the outcome.

Something like that. And wonderfully enough, I found myself with a new topic to write about for Team magazine. I missed out on the last issue but now I have something interesting to write about. Can’t wait to get started.

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