It was D-Day (what I call dialysis day, which happens twice a week for me) yesterday and I was lying on the hospital bed while the nurse was preparing my temporary neck catheter for the procedure and my Mom and I just started talking.
We were prompted by the nurse who asked if I was feeling pain from the removal of the bandages on my neck and I was saying that I was feeling relieved — that my skin that’s underneath the medical tape is finally breathing — and that the alcohol-soaked cotton he was using to clean and disinfect my neck area was actually cool to the touch.
I was having a pretty good day, actually. It was D-Day and I wasn’t feeling weak (as I usually do, as encephalopathy starts to kick in on the day before I get my dialysis). I was perky and chipper and in a general good mood.
And I was saying how bad things were and realised that what I was going through with the whole dialysis situation isn’t as bad, isn’t anywhere as close to as bad, as when I was suffering from the worst of meningitis.
Compared to meningitis, this whole dialysis twice a week is practically a cake-walk. Yeah, I have a temporary catheter jutting out of my neck and covered completely with a bandage but at least I get to go home and I have good days.
When I was dying of meningitis, I just had bad days and worse day. I was stuck in the hospital and I was constantly on a double IV drip. I had spinal taps twice a week and I was losing my vision and I didn’t have the strength to get out of bed.
I was really in the brink back then. And the worst part was that it happened twice, fought off meningitis in 2008 and 2010 and I barely survived both occasions.
So when I think about all my trials and challenges now; this is really nothing. I mean, it’s uncomfortable and the costs are still intense and the loss of the life I used to lead is very much felt but it’s not as bad as I always make it out to be.
It could be a lot worse. It has been worse. Someone else is going through worse shit than you are. Remember that and be grateful that you are going through something you can survive from.
That’s my road to recovery — the fact that I know I’ve been through worse.
It will get better. Because it has.