curl up into a little ball and…

Today I can’t even try. I’m not going to. Everyone keeps telling me not to lose my spirit and to keep fighting and to stay strong but all the challenges ahead of me seem endless. The cost is incredibly high and I feel so horrible that it’s an added burden on my parents, who shouldn’t have to keep paying for this.

Except I have not made any provisions of my own for situations like this.

They say love is infinite and endless. I’ve even said it before. How much do I really believe in that? 

The Darkest Night of the Soul (photo by Cecille Golez)

 
I just can’t today and maybe tomorrow.

It just doesn’t stop: the pain, the medicinal procedures, the waiting, the everyday discomfort, the waves upon waves of realizations that the things that you want you cannot easily just get.

I have too many scars. Are we supposed to have these many scars? Both the figurative and actual, literal scars.

I don’t… I can’t… not today. Just not for a while.

I just want to curl up into a little ball and…

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