They told me, the nurses, that in two weeks, this catheter on my neck won’t be as uncomfortable or as painful as when it was first attached.
It’s around that time and I’m already turning my neck around and stretching my neck back as far as I am able because my back is killing me from the forced posture that I have to adopt because, well, the limited mobility caused by all my surgeries and whatnots have been a bane to my sense of motion and movement.
Earlier this week, I had the fistula surgical implanted on my left arm. There’s a tube now that attaches a vein into an artery and in the next four to six weeks, the vein is going to get bigger and when it’s matured (an actual medical term for what happens when the vein becomes big enough for blood to flow during dialysis) then they can remove the catheter from my neck and I can start using the fistula for my dialysis.
Five years ago, I would have gone nuts over the idea that I have synthetic parts in my body. It was something I was always afraid of. I don’t want to be offensive or insulting to people who have been living with artificial internal organs but I’ve always been healthy. I’ve always been active and in my family (where everyone is basically sorta kinda lazy) I was the only one who actually thought of exercising and was physically active. Everyone kind of baby-ed themselves and I just soldiered through the very infrequent times that I would get sick. I was a monster, really, I think and now, several years later, I’ve become more like Frankenstein’s monster than anything else.
I have a catheter covered in a bandage hanging outside my neck and my kidneys needs a dialysis machine to effectively clean out my blood. In four to six weeks, this tube inside my arm will have matured and it will help make my life easier by being the permanent entry point for future dialysis sessions.
I’m thirty-six years old and my body is already falling apart.
Ask me six months ago and I would have cried at the whole thought of all of this. Now, I’m back in the province, living with my parents again, re-evaluating my life, and planning a completely new way of living with all the new variables that have been added to the mix.
Life is not always how you plan it to be. Even the best laid plans of mice and men… You gotta roll with the punches and learn to swim the current to where it will take you.
It takes a little getting used to. I’m working on it. I don’t want to whine or complain. There are people who are worse off than I am. But this is all I know. This is what I know and I can only deal with things based on my own experiences. I am lucky enough as it is. Roll with the punches. Swim with the current. Land on your feet and keep on running towards somewhere you can be happy. That’s all I can do.
That’s what I’m trying to do.