falling into place

Everything seems to be falling into place, and it’s weird, because I thought I was lost and adrift at sea. Last year, I lost myself and barely did anything. T’yanak just sort of fell on my lap and I’m forever grateful for having been able to be given a chance to write that film, but it was more a product of the circumstances than any real work on my part. My Dad was one of the directors and I was helping him out flesh out the modernisation of the film but it was not given to me originally. I took over as an after-thought. I’m glad, though, because I am proud of the work I did on that script and it helped me get over some feeling of loss — like I was scared I couldn’t write anymore.

I entered this year knowing that my inactivity in 2014 has left me financially unstable. I know it’s crass to talk about financial challenges in such a public sphere but I’m not asking for pity or a hand-out; it just happens to be the circumstance that has pushed me into the situation I now find myself in.

Throwing myself back into the workforce, writing like a demon, and taking advantage of the Arts Month and Manila Fringe, I found a treasure trove of possible stories to write about and I got my gears working again and put myself out there.

All of a sudden, I’ve been asked by another publication to contribute to them regularly and it’s one that I’m excited to do, while I’m streamlining my work at Juice. I am accepting offers I normally wouldn’t and have found myself meeting more and more people, increasing my network broadly that more opportunities are coming in.

Watching all these shows is opening my mind and showing me the relentless creative spirit and energy of this younger generation and the older ones who have been doing this kind of work for a long while now, and it’s making it plainly clear to me that I should face my fears and finally do something about my creative drive and passion.

feeling like I'm out at sea (photo from a shot of me back in 2011)

feeling like I’m out at sea (photo from a shot of me back in 2011)

Because of all of this, I’ve been able to prove to people who matter that I am more than just a reviewer or just a friend or just whatever it was they think I am. There is a huge opportunity for me to make a new step towards something bigger and something that I can really call my own (more on that later on if it materialises) and I am feeling like a ship at port, loading up provisions, and the route to the new world being mapped out, and the spirit of adventure is heavy in the air.

Writing that, I think of Portugal, all of a sudden, and the maritime culture that pervades in everything there — from the art to the architecture — and I’ve been building a sturdy ship and it’s time to take it out to sea.

The poem that got published in Panorama last Sunday came just at the right time because it reminded me that I create too. I’m a writer and I’ve been writing for other people all my life and my whole professional career. My poetry has always been for me but I’ve never tried to bring it out there in the best way possible. But the fire is strong and I’ve started to list down all my options for where I can submit my poems as I take another crack at my collection and prepare another whole day of revising and fine tuning.

I’m going to make this the year I get out there and put myself out there in a way I’ve never tried before. Things are falling into place — like rain drops all falling from a different part in the sky and coming together as an ocean, merging into one large body of water, and the current is going to bring me to some new place I’ve never been to before.

And I’ve built a sturdy ship. It will not sink. It will bring me there.


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