settling dust

So things didn’t go as planned. As I write these words, I’m starting to think I may have blogged about this a few days before. I think I mentioned it in my entry about cutting my hair. Anyway, things have begun to unfold and I’m feeling more hopeful about how things are going to come about. There’s a little bit of astrology helping me along my path (courtesy of Astrologyzone¬†because I’m such a big astrology nut) and a few good night’s rest and getting back into my routine is helping me along quite a bit.

The sparks of the new year has finally lit up and I've a renewed sense of faith that I can make this year work out for me

The sparks of the new year has finally lit up and I’ve a renewed sense of faith that I can make this year work out for me

I got to watch in the cinema again and it has been awhile since The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies, which I saw on the second week of December. That’s a long time for me. I saw English Only Please with good friends, and it’s great to have been able to go and watch a film without having to review it. Watching it just for the sake of, and it was really, really enjoyable. Yesterday, I saw the premier of American Sniper and it’s a very early press preview so I have the time to let the movie settle and figure out how I really feel about the film before I write my review.

It’s nice when I have time between when I watch the film and when I write the review. The immediacy of writing for an online publication is paramount but as I do it more often, I start to realise that maybe my thoughts have yet to settle before they actually condense themselves into how I really feel. There are films that I gave glowing reviews for but I can no longer remember any real great thing about them now. Some films just stay with you for a short time but have no real lasting effect. While others don’t impress me at all after viewing but have remained in my head after time has passed and I can’t seem to shake out images from them.

I think I’m going to ask my editors at Juice if I can do a year-end review of the films that I’ve already reviewed in the site and say whether they deserve their initial praises or criticisms. I think it would make an interesting article, especially if you get to see it every year.

Now that I’ve had a chance to settle, it’s great to be able to see clearly now and to have a new perspective over things. I think I’m going to do that more now: to not respond so quickly to things and hold back all initial reactions first and really feel things out. I’m a very emotional person and when I react so quickly, I don’t allow myself a chance to really examine the whole situation properly.

I never thought of myself as being a gut-reaction type of guy but I guess I am.

I think my poetry benefits from this because I can always review it again later and fix it and fine tune it but life decisions and even initial reactions to people and places and things should be given a little bit more time.

With regards to astrology, Susan Miller said I should use the upcoming Mercury in Retrograde to rework an old project last year that has stalled. I guess she’s talking about my book, my collection of poems, and finally get it up online. All the elements are there, I just really have to learn the Smashwords formatting style and reformat the document. I’ve been trying to find someone I can hire to do it but with my limited funds at the moment, I think it is something I have to do myself. Mercury in Retrograde lasts for two weeks and that’s a pretty long time for me to get my head out of my ass and finally just learn it, no matter how much I am not excited to do something so technical. (Yes, that’s technical for me).

I’ve been picking up a lot more smaller projects now. I gave it all up last year with the hopes of being a full-time screenwriter but it’s also time for me to face reality: I really just write for my Dad or I can only really do speculative work for director friends and not really know if I’ll get properly compensated for my work as a screenwriter. It’s the truth. It’s how things are. I’m not willing to sell my soul and do work I don’t believe in by working for the big studios and I can work on the indie level but I’ll never make enough to support myself. So I have to go back and do commercial work. It’s just the way it is.

What’s changed now is my attitude and the fact that I’m doing it while facing the reality head on. It’s a choice. It’s my choice. It’s not something I can shove aside and say, “I have no choice in the matter” and give off shoddy work. No, this is my choice and so I have to go off and do the best that I can do. That’s the important shift here. It’s not survival. It’s the process.

The dust has settled and I can see clearly now. Now, we get to work.

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