hiding away

I’m in Bacolod as I am writing this, setting this up to be published today (Saturday) as I am probably on a ferry to Iloilo (or I’ve already arrived) to attend a really, super good friend’s wedding. I’ll be in Iloilo for a few days. I am not bringing my computer with me. I’m going to bask in the glory of the wedding and the post-wedding activities as we console the bride’s sister, my super good friend, as she prepares to bids her sister goodbye.

My room in Bacolod... happily waiting for my return

My room in Bacolod… happily waiting for my return

There is a bittersweet atmosphere and we are there to console and to rejoice. The tug-of-war of emotions will be good for my writing muscles. That tension is always rife with source material for poems and stories.

But on a personal note, I’m hoping to disconnect with the world a bit. I’m not bringing my laptop and I’m staying away from work. I want that space to breathe and to just be myself (but without the writer’s trappings). I’ll bring my iPad for my e-books and my phone to stay in contact. If a micro-poem comes up, I’ll post it on my Twitter, but the idea is to not think about what needs to be done for the outside world and what I need for me.

I’m hoping there’s a Guimaras trip, even just an overnight, because it’s always so lovely there.

I hate having to sound like a whiny little bitch lately but I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I’ve been so delayed with my work and I am just feeling unattached to who I am. Yoga has gotten me back to my body. I am feeling more and more connected to my body (and I miss my practice while I’m here because I know Beyond Yoga is far away) but I feel like I’m spiralling away from who I am comfortable with being.

I want to get back to my old productivity. I want to start caring about making waves and large splashes again. Lately, I’ve been feeling enclosed — like I just want to fold into myself. The little things and little moments are what matters to me. I miss the big-ness of my old self.

I want to feel big again.

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