I’m in Bacolod as I am writing this, setting this up to be published today (Saturday) as I am probably on a ferry to Iloilo (or I’ve already arrived) to attend a really, super good friend’s wedding. I’ll be in Iloilo for a few days. I am not bringing my computer with me. I’m going to bask in the glory of the wedding and the post-wedding activities as we console the bride’s sister, my super good friend, as she prepares to bids her sister goodbye.
There is a bittersweet atmosphere and we are there to console and to rejoice. The tug-of-war of emotions will be good for my writing muscles. That tension is always rife with source material for poems and stories.
But on a personal note, I’m hoping to disconnect with the world a bit. I’m not bringing my laptop and I’m staying away from work. I want that space to breathe and to just be myself (but without the writer’s trappings). I’ll bring my iPad for my e-books and my phone to stay in contact. If a micro-poem comes up, I’ll post it on my Twitter, but the idea is to not think about what needs to be done for the outside world and what I need for me.
I’m hoping there’s a Guimaras trip, even just an overnight, because it’s always so lovely there.
I hate having to sound like a whiny little bitch lately but I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I’ve been so delayed with my work and I am just feeling unattached to who I am. Yoga has gotten me back to my body. I am feeling more and more connected to my body (and I miss my practice while I’m here because I know Beyond Yoga is far away) but I feel like I’m spiralling away from who I am comfortable with being.
I want to get back to my old productivity. I want to start caring about making waves and large splashes again. Lately, I’ve been feeling enclosed — like I just want to fold into myself. The little things and little moments are what matters to me. I miss the big-ness of my old self.
I want to feel big again.