I’ve been very, very distracted lately. I came in to this year with my mind racing in so many directions. I have not been able to focus and I haven’t been able to come up to task with many of the things that have come my way.

Found this old photo from the blog and I'm using it. It's how I am feeling right now...

Found this old photo from the blog and I’m using it. It’s how I am feeling right now…

I am not at a hundred percent.

I might be emotionally or mentally exhausted. Maybe Sonata not having been such a success affected me more than I ever admitted. I had said that I was just very proud of having been a part of the making of that film and it was enough; to know that I wrote this film makes me proud and that’s all I could ever want but maybe I wanted more. I wanted it to lead to so much more and it didn’t. And maybe that disappointment is haunting me.

It’s the first time I’ve even ever thought of it and it’s weird seeing it come alive on my computer screen. I’m dealing with this demon for the very first time as I am writing these words.

I’ve found solace in my poetry and as the book is just waiting for the cover art to be finished, it has also become my escape. In the process, though, I have the second collection of poems pretty much fleshed out. At the very least, I got through that big hurdle.

But there are other things that I want to do and there are other collaborations that have been waiting for me to get out of my rut and to start flying again like I used to.

Every thing is so distracting right now and I can’t seem to get myself together to do great things again. Not that the poems are not great. I think they are. I think putting this collection together is going to be important and instrumental — but I could have done it without having putting my whole life in danger. I’ve dipped into my personal savings and that’s disappointing because I am not the type of person who would let myself go so carelessly. I’m much more put-together than that.

Now that we are on the halfway mark, I’m dead-set on making sure that this year is not some glitch in what has been an otherwise exciting and monumental decade of my life. I’ve told so many people that my 30s are the best and that I couldn’t wait to reach this age. I won’t let my 35th year on this Earth be one of falling off the horse and not being able to get back up.

I’m not a quitter.

So, it’s June now, the halfway mark. We let go of that shit and start moving forward and we rise. Again.

3 thoughts on “Distracted

  1. Keep going is all I say. When my life feels cluttered and directionless, I sit down and spend time thinking how to go about living when I seem to be running out of options. It’s never easy.

    (I somehow stumbled on your blog a week ago–keep writing, too).

  2. Hi Wanggo!

    Good evening! 😉

    It’s really too bizaare that universe has conspired for letting me see you on Bench’s new campaign on IG. But one thing that struck me about you is your interest for poetry which I am inclined with too.

    I have been writing poems since HS after attending a creative writing summer class in our School. From then on, poetry has run through my veins and I fell in love with it.

    Now, my frustration is that I only seldom write due to the busy workload as an external auditor in SGV Makati.

    I believe I have just been revived to that world I used to stroll in when I was still a student.

    Aside from the poems that I had on hand, I, too, already have a concept in mind of compiling my poems, yet to be written, next year but my worry is that it may be too ideal.

    It would be my pleasure if you can share your thoughts on this matter if ever we meet and hopefully I could collaborate with your genius.

    Thank you. 😉

    • Definitely. We should talk about it. I think it is great that you are coming back to poetry and there are many ways to self-publish your work online so that you don’t have to go through the whole publishing system of finding a publisher to put out your collection.

      We should talk one of these days. I have your e-mail. I will get in touch with you soon.


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