Losing My Mind

Coming home, I was excited to show my brother the Candide concert with Paul Groves and Kristin Chenoweth and he was equally excited to show me the 80th Birthday Concert for Stephen Sondheim. Back-to-back, it was an amazing night of gorgeous music and terrific performances.

But more importantly, it was that evening that I was introduced to Follies and the incredibly powerful torch song Losing My Mind. Sung by Marin Mazzie at the 80th Birthday Concert for Stephen Sondheim, I was blown away by the intensity of the emotions conveyed despite how simply the song expressed the horrendous feeling of being pulled apart by a love that cannot be fully realised.

For obvious reasons, I immediately connected to the song and the performance.

It’s really my song. It didn’t help that I ended up picking up my old journals again and read through them and saw all the guys I had fallen in love with who never loved me back and the pure madness that came into the page of my journals when I wrote about how I felt. It was juvenile and unrestrained and completely immature and self-absorbed. It was a horrible look into who I was; the kind of person that I was and the song sort of cemented for me how I can be when I fall in love.

It is a scary thing to look back at who you were and realise that you were near-impossible to manage or deal with. I couldn’t be reasoned with. Reading those pages, I realised I was very much like a madman and I’m horrendously embarrassed about it.

That’s who I used to be.

Sure, I still fall in love with people who don’t love me back. I’m there right now. But I think I’m handling it very, very well. I’m in more control now.

I’m not losing my mind. Not like how I used to. Not like before.

But the song still hits me. The song still speaks so strongly to me. I love it.

I’m now getting into Follies and discovering more of the genius of Stephen Sondheim. He really is the most important musical theatre songwriters ever.

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