In all honesty, I hate these New Year posts. I love New Year’s Day celebrations. I’m a writer, so I like how the end of the year and the start of the year is much like a chapter that is closing and opening. All things need to begin and end for it to be properly defined. So I like December 31 and January 1 because they sort of close doors and make promises, respectively.
But I never believed in New Year’s resolutions because I don’t like the idea of changing just because. There is an insincerity that comes with it. I like to change things that don’t work when I figured out that they don’t work. I don’t want to change anything that doesn’t need to be changed just because it’s the new year. While chapters end and close, the story goes on, and that’s important to me.
I finished reading a book on the Mayan 2012 prophecies and was very much intrigued by their understanding of time. It seems that the civilised world perceives time as linear — with a definite beginning and an end — while the Mayan (and some other cultures) see time as cyclical and never ending. There is no before and after, there is what will continue. It is a shift in the understanding of time that everything just is and the whole concept somehow appeals to me. Segments of time are merely patterns that are being repeated and so the past is no different from the future; but all things evolve (and they can also diminish) and that’s the subtle difference. But what happened in the past will happen in the future, because time is cyclical. It repeats.
It’s a huge shift in perspective but I really want to explore this more and find out how this can change the way I see the world and how it will affect my actions. How will it change me and the way I move forward and stay in the moment?
I will be the first to say that 2013 was not an easy year for me but I think my Dad hit the nail right on the head when he said, “I don’t think 2013 was a terrible year. It had very high highs and extremely low lows.” I agree. I had some amazing things happen to me in 2014. Things happened that I would never exchange for the world. But the lows were really low and while they seem disastrous, truth of the matter is I know myself better now.
But a lot of what I went through in my head in the latter part of last year is moving me towards a new sort of goal. Things have to be different. I know I just said that I don’t believe in changing just because it’s the new year; but the things that went through my head and the choices that I made back in August to November of 2013 has made things clearer for me. I want to gather up all the thoughts that were rumbling and mumbling in my head and start living for me rather than doing what it took to survive. I’m going to do what I love to do.
I’m going to make work.
I’m going to hold back on publishing my poetry on my blog for awhile because I’ll never finish compiling my poems for the book I plan to self-publish this year. And I would like to take the time off to work on all existing ones, fine tune them, so that the version that comes out in the book will be the final one and not like the versions that are out here in the blog. At the same time, I want to put some stuff out that have never seen the light of day and that means I have to control myself from putting it out here when I write it.
That’s going to be tough because I’ve come to enjoy putting out my poems out here. I told my Dad recently that it’s the final stage of writing: when the work is being read. That’s the whole point of writing a poem or short story, right? For it to be read by its intended audience? There’s no point in writing a film or a story or a poem if it remains in your computer file and unread.
That’s going to shift into a bigger stage for me this year. Since I will be self-publishing, I’ll have to do some of my own marketing and advertising and I don’t like doing that at all. But we do what we must.
Let’s see how this turns out.
Happy new year, everyone!