I was in an island paradise (as cliche as the term may be) but I never got into the water. We were working so much and it was non-stop and brutal, but I’m not complaining. I loved every minute of it, really. It was good to be doing that kind of work and being surrounded by the beauty of Palawan. But I didn’t get to jump into the sea, which is something I thought I would get to do. I had packed two pairs of swimming shorts just for that and I didn’t have the time.
I felt sort of teased in such a way that I was already there but I couldn’t even jump in. **sigh**
There’s just something about jumping into the water that allows me to renew myself. I have this moment when I can actually just relax and somehow commune with my inner being. I know it sounds stupid or whatever. I have an over-active mind and it keeps racing all the time, but when I’m out there in the sea, floating with just my face above water, I feel like I’m at peace. It has this amazing calming effect and I can think clearly.
I was already there in Puerto Princesa, Palawan and I was eating amazing food and seeing the richness of an unspoiled land and clean waters and I didn’t get to jump in. I wanted to cry.
I have another trip coming up, this time in Sorsogon, but I just saw the itinerary and I don’t think there’s going to be any time at all to do any swimming whatsoever. I feel a little defeated but there will be time later on. I’m just starting and I have to get my… feet wet, as the idiom goes.
I can’t believe I’m actually depressing myself further.
But I will get to go to the beach and actually swim in it. The salt water is healing to me and it puts my soul back together. I need this. I have to do it soon. I’m slowly putting my life back together after Sonata. I sort of found myself scattered all over the place. Now I feel like I’m coming back together and becoming whole again. But jumping into the sea; that would do the trick, I think.
That’s what I need right now.
Post-script: I had to rush this entry because I had to leave, all of a sudden, and instead of saving it, I went ahead and published it. Now, looking at it again, I really sound like I’m whining and complaining; something I promised to not do anymore and to really refrain from putting out there in the world. I feel kind of embarrassed. I have a job that is meaningful to me and I have amazing experiences and opportunities that are not readily available to so many people. I sound like a spoiled brat.
Much apologies. I just really want to swim in the ocean again. That’s all I really wanted to say.