I was all written-out, to be honest, hence the lack of any real update.
It has been a bit harrowing. I sort of became this monster on the release of Sonata, constantly searching for any kind of affirmation that the work we did would be appreciated. And it was, and it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t even enough that I know the work is good. I had to see it written on people’s Twitter and Facebook and blog pages and read the reviews. I feel like an idiot and an amateur. But I’m over it. I’m through with that, thank goodness!
But it was still scary. Like something took total control of me. Someone said that it was normal and expected because I had loved working on it so much; that it made it important. I think I love everything that I get into. I don’t know why this meant more to me than everything else. But that’s what happened and it scared me a bit.
I then managed to land another job working for a foundation that aims to promote and develop eco-tourism around the country and sustainable development for communities in several key areas around the Philippines with the hopes of alleviating poverty, bringing in money for the people living in beautiful spots in the different islands of the Philippines, and to preserve and conserve the natural beauty and resources the country has to offer. It’s a very meaningful job and I’m liking the fact that this will be my bread-and-butter while I’m still trying to get movie number two done.
I’ve got a new stable job and it’s something I love and believe in and it’s something that will help people. It will help me get away from writing in magazines; which I like doing, but it’s starting to feel like fluff for me. We don’t change anything, really; only preserve the status quo and, lately, I’ve been feeling like things need to change. So many things need to change. I won’t be a catalyst or an instrument of that in magazine work.
I’ll still do it, though, because I have friends there and any money will help. But I don’t have to rely on it anymore. I have a regular job again and it’s the kind that respects my time and my efforts, pays enough to pay the bills, and I’ll be able to travel and do something I really believe in — eco-tourism, sustainable development, environmental conservation and preservation, and community building.
At the same time, I’m all written-out because while I was preparing for the new job, I found myself finishing up this project that I’ve been working on (and complaining about) which has been going on for over a year now. I started working on this film last year in June and because of a faulty studio system, we’ve been working on it off and on for a year and two months and it’s been giving me a lot of stress and grief. We finally had the go-signal to start writing the script and I was supposed to work with the studio’s writer on this project but they were screwing up on that as well. I was so angry. Everything about the project had been a major fuck up now, for a long while, and I was at the very losing end of this whole ordeal.
I was so angry that I didn’t work on it, couldn’t work on it, for a long while, missing out on my deadline for quite a while (which I hate doing). Last week, I said to myself, “Fuck it” and I started writing and I finished it. I finished the whole damn script on my own; even if we had agreed to work on it together but I didn’t want to work with the studio anymore. They had pissed me off completely.
So, I passed the script to my directors for translating and I kissed it all goodbye. It had been non-stop writing for four days and I got very good work out of me unto the script and my directors liked my work. Now, it’s with the studio and we’ll see what they’re going to do about it. They are probably going to hate it and they are going to make changes but I’m not going to be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. Not to them. I’m done being Mr. Nice Guy. When the people involved are not deserving people, I don’t think I could be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. It’s exhausting.
But that’s why I have been a little absent from blogging. I was just hell bent on finishing the script and when it was done, I just couldn’t/didn’t want to write anymore.
Tomorrow, I leave for Puerto Princesa for the foundation. It’s going to be awesome. I have to experience the sites so I can write about them. It’s going to be amazing. I love Palawan and this is going to be an excellent trip. I can’t wait to take photos and to interview people and to make these articles. This is the pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow, really. This is when it all becomes worth it.
It’s done. New projects have come, old ones are closing, and I’m ready to do it all over again.