winter is coming

I think I’m depressed but I have no reason to be depressed so I’m fighting it with all my might. But all the symptoms are there (except for insomnia, I still sleep early and wake up early) but everything else has gone down the drain. I spoke with my doctor and refused to “see someone,” as she suggested.

“This is all just a matter of will,” I told her. “It just needs willpower.”

After our meeting (and impromptu consultation), I exited her clinic and found myself, unconsciously, reaching for my iPod and putting on Tori Amos’ Winter. The grand, luscious orchestration, the precise piano playing, and those lyrics… Man! Those lyrics. I played six times on my way home.

The lyrics, it struck a chord in me and it was reverberating and resonating throughout my cellular structure. I felt like this was a song I needed to sing to myself. I needed to sing it to me.

When you gonna’ make up your mind?

When you gonna’ love you as much as I do?

When you gonna’ make up your mind?

Cause things are gonna’ change so fast

All the white horses have gone ahead

I tell you that I always want you near

You say that things change, my dear…

Never change.

Winter by Tori Amos

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