Lost in Transition

Too much coffee and cigarettes. I’m at a loss. None of the cliched techniques of trying to get out of a slump seems to work. In a meeting that was meant to rekindle my creative energy, I found myself floundering and stuck. So much is about to happen and I’m in that area, that limbo, where I have left the original spark and about to enter the big rush of things, but there I am — in that nowhere space where things aren’t moving just yet.

There’s going to be major transitions going on and I don’t know what to do.

A big, major project has gone into hibernation, yet again. Working with big studios means waiting forever for them to read a draft and comment on it. We’ve been working on this story since June of last year and nothing has come of it. We haven’t even started scripting yet. And once that’s a go, everything will be moving forward at a faster pace, I’m sure. But until that happens, nothing will happen. I’ve done my part. The waiting time begins.

By the end of the month, I’ll be moving condominiums all over again. This will be my last move in Manila for awhile but the probably a significant one. And, while I am basically the manager of this household, I’m just getting the timing right with regards to how everything will be with regards to the payment of bills, the movement of the laundry, groceries, and everything else. I would just love to move now and get it all over with but we can’t just yet. We have to wait it out. I can’t stand that.

The work has come few and far between since 2013 has started. Less and less writing projects have come my way and it has given me breathing space but it also allowed inertia to step in and I can’t seem to get out of this static state. What I have on my lap are huge projects that start and stop at inconvenient times and I find myself faced with my own words thrown back at me: There’s no such thing as writer’s block. Writer’s block is just another name for not wanting to do the project.

I really want to do this project but I feel stretched thin and I fear that I’m burned out. It’s hard to get into the mindset of giving again.

Lost in transition. That’s what this is. Lost in this space between the beginning of something great and step one. That point between zero and one where it is something but not completely whole that it is formless and without matter.

I have to make things matter again.

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