The Juice team asked me to write something I know quite a good deal of lately: what it is like being a third wheel. Like I said at the start of the article: couples love me. They just love me! For the past,oh I don’t know, fourteen years, I’ve been the wingman of couples. They like my company. They don’t mind that it’s just the three of us hanging out all the time. I guess they don’t find me threatening. I’m naturally warm and nurturing and they love having me around, for some reason or another. I’ve been the constant third wheel to clandestine relationships and popular ones. I don’t get it, really, and there was a long period of time when I resented it.
But there have been great moments about it and I’ve come to put my thoughts about it in my articles Lessons from the Third Wheel, which, thinking about it now, is kind of an ugly title. Ugh! I had written a similar article before in YoungStar but they are revamping their website and I can’t find it anymore. I wanted to link that article as well because I thought it was pretty good. I made several rules that one must abide with if they find themselves on a similar situation. Life in the third wheel can be fun but it can also be draining. It was a pretty good article. I’m sad I can no longer find it online.
Of course, it being the ber months — the gross and inexplicably difficult “ber months” — thoughts on being together with someone is at the forefront. It happens every year, starting with September and ending in December. By January, it’s over, but during those four months at the end of the year, as it gets colder, the thoughts goes towards being in a relationship and wondering why it hasn’t happened for me yet. Not in a way that I can be happy about or proud about. The two exes I’ve had have become funny anecdotes that I share and are not the best of memories.
But I’ve grown up. I’ve grown up a lot and I won’t settle for anything less than extraordinary. That’s the problem with being older — you know what you want and you won’t want to settle for anything less than that. I can’t. Not anymore. It’s not fair to me; it’s not going to be fair to him, whoever he is. I have to be completely in it, and he has to be completely in it as well. And I haven’t found anyone yet who I want to be completely in it with, or someone who wants to be completely in it with me.
There’s someone on my mind and he’s gotten deep into my skin but it is the strangest of circumstances and I have no idea if it will come to that. Too many factors. Too many little things that are in the way. I don’t even know if he feels the same way. And I don’t push. I’m the kind of idiot who never makes a move. I’m the kind of idiot who believes that these things will come organically and naturally. I’m the kind who believes that two people will just get along so magnificently, and everything is there, and it just happens. You have to work at love; you have to constantly work at love. But for some strange reason, I think that it just happens. There is a moment when everything just comes together and you know it for what it is and it’s there.
That may also be the reason why I’ve been pretty much single for most of my life. Always beholden to a moment that may or may not exist in real life. Who knows? You could be the lead of your own story but not be together with anyone. You could be the hero of your narrative and be completely surrounded by all these couples and all these wonderful people, and not have someone for yourself.
And I’ve come to the point where I realise that if I end up being alone; it’s not so bad. I can’t say I’m lonely. I have so many friends and so much family and there’s a lot of love in my world. So much I can’t believe my good fortune. But if that kind of love, the one that we all search and yearn for, will always be beyond my grasp, it will always be something at the back of my mind. It will always be something I’ll be looking for. But it will not define me. It will not break me.
I’m comfortable with who I am and who I’ve become. That’s a lot. That’s a whole lot more than what a lot of people have; some people who have someone in their lives. If third wheel it is, then third wheel it is. There’s something to be said about being someone who is trustworthy enough to share the intimate details of other people’s lives. I can always take stock in that.