We could not find the ideal partner
for Frankenstein’s Monster
so we had to build her from scratch.
Frankie M had a tendency of running away,
so she needed to be fast,
so we put wheels where her feet should be.
Found them in a junkyard,
taken off a broken kid’s scooter.
They turn just fine but make a squeaking sound
at full speed.
We made her spine out of a retractable ladder.
He’s tall and she should be tall
when he’s feeling good
but she will have to shrink
when he’s in one of his moods.
We got the legs from that Victoria Secret model
who had a skiing accident last winter.
She didn’t want to see them again
and let them go for free.
We weren’t so lucky with the arms
so we had them sculpted out of alabaster
by that new artist whose all the rage right now
and is selling for over a million overseas.
His work is crap, really,
but it’s artistic, or so the press says.
He did it for free because he owes me one.
We found all the internal organs in a butcher shop
and found a mini-refrigerator on sale
and shut it inside, locked it, and threw away
We found the head
that resembled the first girl Frankie M
has ever loved.
I like the one we chose
because she’s got nice eyes
and a warm smile.
Nothing at all like Frankie M’s
more recent conquests.
This one you can take home to mom.
The things we have to do
to find the perfect girl
for all our friends like Frankie M.
The list of qualities he looks for in a girl;
it’s over two pages long,
with footnotes and annotations.
A girl like that only exists
in the dark corners of his mind.
It’s hard work,
creating a bride from raw material,
second hand goods,
and bargain items from wherever.
But it is easier
than trying to teach Frankie M
a thing or two about falling in love.