relentless love

I was buying some songs in iTunes when I saw on the “related artist” portion that Kate Miller-Heidke has a new album and single. I love these quirky pop singer/songwriters. She uses her classical training to reach some rather high notes but she has a way of telling stories that are fun, off-the-wall, but so blazingly honest that it brings me to my knees.

I immediately bought the single I’ll Change Your Mind after listening to the one-minute preview and knew, right away, I was going to like it. I also bought the new album of Tanita Tikaram, which I’ve been waiting for ages now. So I was enjoying a whole lot of music today and I was favoring the more moody, emotional pieces that I decided to get out of my funk and play the Kate Miller-Heidke song for some pep.

I also decided to check out the video in YouTube and to my utter surprise, this is what I found:

And the lyrics! My God!

And now you’re using me

For comfort and for company

I used you too to feed my fantasy


Let you take what you need

And I will take what I can get

Which isn’t very much

A little human heat

A little human touch

Damn it! That’s exactly how I feel when I fall. I wish I had written it myself. And that video! That video was everything. Isn’t that what it’s like? You know exactly that it’s like that. Especially the ending. You’d be willing to cut through skin and flesh to offer up your heart to “the other.” You’d give all and you wouldn’t give up. You’re there, completely and utterly. You’d hug a pillow and throw all your affections towards it.

And the things you’d put up with, just to feel it again. It’s not even to get reciprocation — it just hurts to not love the person you love. So even if you know that you’re just being used, you’ll take it. You’ll take whatever you can get. I think I’ve grown up from thinking that love is simply an exchange. And it should be. But love can also just be the act of loving — even if you don’t expect anything back in return. Just the act of it alone is enough to sustain you. No two people can love each other the same way. All people are different. But the ferocity of their love can be matched. But one person can love like a fireball and the other can be as gentle as a cool, comforting breeze.

I read in a forwarded e-mail somewhere: Just because s/he didn’t love you the way you wanted, doesn’t mean s/he didn’t love you the best way s/he can. What if that was the pinnacle of what they can give? What if they gave all and that was all? It wasn’t enough but it didn’t mean they didn’t love you with every fibre of their being.

That’s why I take no prisoners when I fall in love. Like the video, I’ll put a blade through my chest and rip my heart out with my own hands and give it to “the other” (whoever he may be) and say, “Do with it as you will.”

Do with it as you will. That’s my relentless love.

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